It would be hard to imagine anyone less given to athletic excess than me, so it is with a real sense of grievance that I have named 2008 the Year of the Muscle.
I always thought that to irritate your muscles enough for them to hit back, you had to make excessive demands on them. Runners, or long distance walkers would expect the odd twinge. Lunatics taking to the side of precipitous cliff faces deserve all they get. But not me.Before I even turn in the bed, I check that everything is in order and ready for lift-off. And yet.......In 2008 I have pulled absolutely everything at some stage.My back, my legs, my hands knees and bumpsidaisy have all had their creaky turns. Most spectacular among these was the magic night when levering myself into a standing position I inadvertantly pulled an already damaged part and ended up in the local ER. Ever since I have adopted a furtive air whenever an ambulance passes, in case the paramedics within recognise me.
Then last week, distracted by the joy of Christmas, I hauled myself out of the car, in a movement which, in retrospect may have been a little bit on the balletic side, and did a sort of twirl thing on my right leg while the left one kicked perkily in the air. Whatever. The thing is that this morning I found myself hobbling in a serious manner and after running down the source of the pain I discovered that I must have pulled a muscle, heretofore unknown to me,in my groin area, sort of. I'm being vague here because I've never heard of anyone as sedentary as me getting into this sort of trouble and the problem is, who do I go to to get it fixed ( in view of the rather delicate area of its location I loathe to call on the local physios). Lets hope the Deep Heat works.
Another thing - while attempting, unsuccessfully to get onto my dashdoard, I found myself reading the blog of Chay Eltha 7, written in the most exquisite Arabic script. Needless to say it went over my head but Mr Eltha has had 34 comments to his blog. I've only ever had one. Ever. What's wrong with me.
For those of you interested in world affairs I have plans to close down the year with a definitive rundown on the state of the world - groin permitting . Watch this space.